𝐓𝐡𝐞 𝐪𝐮𝐞𝐬𝐭𝐢𝐨𝐧 𝐭𝐡𝐚𝐭 𝐦𝐨𝐯𝐞𝐝 𝐦𝐞 𝐟𝐨𝐫𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐝!

 
“Run, Forrest, run!”

Jenny tells young Forrest to run away from the bullies chasing him. As he runs, his leg brace shatters and falls away, setting him free from the limitations that once held him back. From that moment on running becomes one of the defining traits of his life.

That is how one of the most memorable scenes from the movie Forrest Gump unfolds. We too, in our lives have heard words that were outwardly simple, unadorned, yet having long lasting impact on us.

Mine was…

"Last row, last bench, last girl, stand up, what is your name?"

Those were the exact words that brought my life forward (Yes, literally!). I was in class 12; it was almost the end of term, and on that fateful day, my physics teacher woke me up from the invisible corner of the classroom and asked me this question.

I felt as if the whole world was crumbling around me.
It was not a great question to ask a student who had studied in the same school from LKG. I was engulfed in shame. How could he not know my name? Did I remain so invisible?

My school was very popular in Madurai. Well known for its top-class students and their academic achievements. Getting an admission was very tough. Every year almost half the class walked the corridors of prestigious medical schools, BITS, REC and other top professional institutes in the country.

And there I was, an average, obedient student. Not bad, not brilliant. I somehow managed to keep my grades good enough to stay in the same school. The only sport I played was carrom, which, of course was not the kind of sport that made anyone popular. If I were disobedient, I would have at least got negative attention, but I was too afraid even for that. I existed in the safe middle, where teachers did not complain, and report cards did not disappoint anyone enough to start a conversation.

I knew all of this, and yet that question shook me.

He doesn’t even know my name???

At that age, I felt as though my whole existence was questioned. The reality of being unknown for those 14 years was discomforting.
I swallowed the shame and decided I was going to change things around in college at least.

Surprisingly, the first row in college was already cramped with 4 girls and I had to shamelessly squeeze myself in. Over time, I mastered the art of not sleeping during boring lectures and that earned me the acceptance of fellow first benchers. I became officially one of them.

Slowly this habit grew on me and I began occupying front row everywhere as long as they were available. There were even days where I sat in the front row of panchayat gram sabha meetings, asking uncomfortable questions and getting booed from the back.

Even today, my husband keeps asking me why we have to sit in the front row of my son’s school cultural events.

“Am I seeking attention?”, “Am I giving my inner child the front row seat she never had?”, “Am I overcompensating for all the years I stood quietly at the back?”

Honestly, I don’t have the answer myself.